BOOMERANG EFFECT

CHAPTER 12

The blindness

The blindness is a fact that goes far beyond what we have just seen, and which can lead much further, for it happens to be a sentence of God in relation to some of our actions. Sooner or later he will reach the one who has the knowledge, but prefers to be seduced by his sin rather than to part with it. The bond will generally have been the source of these evils, whether or not the person was baptized from the Holy Spirit. It will have gradually sunk into a human management of its problem, to the point to contradict certain precepts of God in order to preserve its evil deeds.

In the previous chapter, we saw only two links whose consequences were not preponderant in my life and that of Marie-Claude, because we were neither one nor fallen again into these after our conversion. But it was not always the same for me, whether it was before or after my baptism in the Holy Spirit.

So we will now look at a bond that was much more perfidious than those which we have seen, and was the source of my blindness. I am referring to this passage on page 39, in which, in the great despair of my fourteen and a half fifteen-year-olds, I had let myself go to my shame at the time, to watch my sister undressed by the hole of an old door. I had certainly not been noticed by any one, but whatever was the immediate result, the evil in itself was done.

That day I had consented to give way to sin, as being became a necessity for me. In this, there is absolutely nothing different from all that we have just seen. It is an unfortunately very common attitude, not for this sin in particular, but as regards sin in general. I had, I repeat, completely given my consent to sin as such, with all the shame that it had brought to me at the moment, even though no one had realized anything. The enemy had had all leisure to attach me to this bond, this mooring firmly attached to both extremities, as we have just seen in the previous chapter.

If I had yielded to this same temptation without asking myself questions, the impact on my life would probably have been quite different. I beg you to excuse this repeated insistence, but there was then on my part that fundamental notion, which is this voluntary participation, by our surrender to sin. In spite of all my good reasons not to commit it, I did not do it by telling me a simple "never mind!", a simple "bof, it does not matter", no; I had let myself go until to give my consent to sin itself, and lived it as such at that time, even though I did not know its scope. I had somehow justified it, recognized it as necessary for me.

I cannot say exactly how long after my conversion, about six years, about nine years ago of this time, I still had not capitulated before God, in relation to some of my temptations always subject to the same bond of voyeurism. It was certainly no longer in the first degree as it was in the past when it manifested itself the most, nor even in the same conditions as the first time. No, quite the contrary, and this is there the most pernicious! This is the reason why, at the beginning of our conversion and baptism in the Holy Spirit, the enemy makes enough concession, patiently awaiting the hour at which he will pull the other extremity of the mooring firmly fixed. It comes insidiously in certain understandings, in certain badly managed external combats, or in situations in which we have the presumption of being the freest, in order to steal some openings. He gradually reforms his canvas to one day lead us to a true sin that we will deny then, confusing our struggle to deprive us this life and our acceptance of sin itself. Thus, in the early times, I yielded to temptation, for instance, a furtive looking at the women's cleavage, while defending myself from this attitude, for I was fighting against it. From these first mismanaged sins, whether it is a person baptized from the spirit or another, Satan has regained all his rights. No need to tell you that he will be able to wait patiently for his time, so that many years later sometimes we will are royally dragged into the mud, on the day when our temptation will have led us to the wrath of God in the blindness.

Satan will act in the hope that many will be brought to sink themselves before God, if only in the peddling and exaggeration of facts, which will lead them not to the condemnation of sin but to the sinner. There where he could have a tremendous time, as far as I was concerned, it was precisely in the areas in which I had felt so free, especially with regard to Marie-Claude, but also where he could reach the most of our surroundings. Most certainly you will understand in the broad outline, without entering into any real worthless details.

Fortunately for us, God did for Mary-Claude, as he says in (Ezekiel 3-8/9): Behold, I have made thy face hard against their faces, and thy forehead hard against their foreheads. As an adamant harder than flint have I made thy forehead. Fear them not, neither be dismayed at them, for they are a rebellious house.//

One day we reached the catastrophe, I had gone too far, I had reached the point of no return; Marie-Claude was leaving me. Yes, I had to go that far! But then I understood; I fully realized and confessed before God that it was my sin that had brought us to this stage, and it was absolutely no the fault of Marie-Claude. No doubt she was not perfect, but her imperfections had absolutely nothing to do with our disunion; it was MY sin which was the cause, the hardening of MY heart to sin, which was the only reason for that. I then considered as God's righteousness what happened to me, though I was then the most unhappy of men. I had what I deserved, and no one would make me accuse Marie-Claude after our divorce. I was submitting me entirely to the righteousness of God. Because we were married before Him, by protection for Marie-Claude, God had vetoed our union, and I recognized it as justice. I was submitting me entirely to the righteousness of God and because we were married before Him, by protection for Marie-Claude, God had vetoed our union. I recognized that as justice.

Perhaps certain of you, are you asking yourself the question, whether I am not going off track? Would God now become the God of divorce? I am sure not, for the word of God is clear in (Matthew 19-7/9): They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.//

God is absolutely not in favor of divorce, but He has given of it the possibility through the law because of the hardness of our heart, our hardening to sin. Do you think there are some differences now? Absolutely not ! God is the same, yesterday, today and forever! If He knew by that, protecting the wife from some excesses of the husband when she did not want to give in to certain debaucheries, or sometimes even unnatural acts, or because she was fleeing beaten black and blue, do you not believe that He will take care of her yet now opposite to the baptized husbands of the spirit? In all honesty, would you find the normal opposite? Obviously, it is possible to go from the opposite direction, which God protects man from woman, especially in adultery, for it is necessary to be two for this, but we must know to look at ourselves, before incriminating others.

God acts thus for each, baptized of the Spirit or not, simple Christian or "great Servant of God" to whom He has sometimes entrusted the charge of many souls! There are no privileged persons before God, and this is not a story of Old or New Testament.

We find in the Bible Thompson 1, what the commentator of this translation rightly calls: "The blindness of the people". (Jeremiah 8-1/13) At that time, saith the LORD, they shall bring out the bones of the kings of Judah, and the bones of his princes, and the bones of the priests, and the bones of the prophets, and the bones of the inhabitants of Jerusalem, out of their graves: And they shall spread them before the sun, and the moon, and all the host of heaven, whom they have loved, and whom they have served, and after whom they have walked, and whom they have sought, and whom they have worshipped: they shall not be gathered, nor be buried; they shall be for dung upon the face of the earth. And death shall be chosen rather than life by all the residue of them that remain of this evil family, which remain in all the places whither I have driven them, saith the LORD of hosts.

Moreover thou shalt say unto them, Thus saith the LORD; Shall they fall, and not arise? shall he turn away, and not return?

Why then is this people of Jerusalem slidden back by a perpetual backsliding? they hold fast deceit, they refuse to return.

I hearkened and heard, but they spake not aright: no man repented him of his wickedness, saying, What have I done? every one turned to his course, as the horse rusheth into the battle.

Yea, the stork in the heaven knoweth her appointed times; and the turtle and the crane and the swallow observe the time of their coming; but my people know not the judgment of the LORD.

How do ye say, We are wise, and the law of the LORD is with us? Lo, certainly in vain made he it; the pen of the scribes is in vain.

The wise men are ashamed, they are dismayed and taken: lo, they have rejected the word of the LORD; and what wisdom is in them?

Therefore will I give their wives unto others, and their fields to them that shall inherit them: for every one from the least even unto the greatest is given to covetousness, from the prophet even unto the priest every one dealeth falsely.

For they have healed the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace; when there is no peace.

Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore shall they fall among them that fall: in the time of their visitation they shall be cast down, saith the LORD.

I will surely consume them, saith the LORD: there shall be no grapes on the vine, nor figs on the fig tree, and the leaf shall fade; and the things that I have given them shall pass away from them.//

1. Bible Tompson: This bible is the same version as the one used in the entirety of this original French-language book, a revised Louis Segond Version, known as the Dove.  Only the chain of references in this bible is based on the writings and preparations of Professor Frank Charles Tompson.

Do you see how far blindness can go? Until the wrath of God! Even and especially to those who serve Him.

In this time, when Marie-Claude had made the irrevocable decision to divorce, I realized in my heart how much the righteousness of God was justice, how much the sanction of God was deserved, how much I accepted His sovereignty and I believe that this was why God lifted His veto from me. It is certainly not his will to draw away us to situations such as divorce or other similar circumstances. If, however, we put Him face the hardening of our heart and do not want to yield before Him, will He let our surroundings get lost to give profit to our sin? No! The word of Jesus that we have just read in Matthew 19-8 makes it perfectly clear: It is because of the hardness of our heart! This could also be translated as: It is because of our hardness to prefer sin rather than do the will of God, that is to say, all that is good for us.

I had in my case accepted His sovereignty, He had lifted His veto, and then only He showed me that bond of voyeurism. Did everything then become perfect for me?

Like I said in the previous chapters, a step was taken, which would lead me to victory over this spirit. What I am certain of is that, despite all the previous warnings, if on that day I had not accepted the full sovereignty of God, not leaving all freedom to God, then His sentence would have been for me a second divorce. At the risk of repeating myself, I consider before God that this would have been a quite deserved sentence, because a protection also on Marie-Claude, who could not bear more. If God had had more consideration for me and for my sin, than for the protection of my wife's soul, how now that I have understood it, could I accept my God as a protector? How could I still trust to Him to guide me on my path, to protect me from my own mistakes, to protect me from the errors in which others might attract me and all mine? No one is an exception before God, He loves everyone, but does not make any favoritism, rich or poor, big or small, white or colored, young or old, ... we are all equal before Him; He loves us all with the same Love.

We have seen gangrene, now let's see if there can be healing. If it is normal to cherish hopes for the person who is thus struck by blindness, because of all his transgressions?

The Lord will probably have to leave many difficult circumstances for this person, in the hope that one day she will become aware that she cannot go down below. She will doubtless begin to understand also after having accused and condemned many others, that there is nevertheless something against which she fights, which is stronger than she. Maybe one day there will be a click, and that is the hope of the Lord. Will this person be in the same attitude of mind as I was in May, 1 988, when I accepted with conviction to discover the real precepts of God? Was it not the case of this prodigal son who, exhausted from having only a few carob to eat, had returned to his father? God had then said, as he will tell to these servants that day: Bring the most beautiful dress quickly and put it to him; Put a ring on his finger, and sandals for his feet.

And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they "will begin" to be merry.

Moreover, it is not only under the new covenant that we can see this, the prophet Ezekiel, in other words, already announced it (Ezekiel 18-20/24): The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.

But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die. All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him: in his righteousness that he hath done he shall live. Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? saith the Lord GOD: and not that he should return from his ways, and live?

But when the righteous turneth away from his righteousness, and committeth iniquity, and doeth according to all the abominations that the wicked man doeth, shall he live? All his righteousness that he hath done shall not be mentioned: in his trespass that he hath trespassed, and in his sin that he hath sinned, in them shall he die.//

I believe that all this is indeed going without comment, because we will be taken as we will are found, and we must not forget that we do not know on what watch of the night the Lord will come to seek us.

Whether we are "great servants" or that we are only arriving at Christian life, let us never forget that we must work for our salvation while there is still time! I believe that the one who will find himself in the situation we are going to see in these last few verses will be with heartbroken at that time.

(Matthew 7-21/23) and (Luke 13-28/30): Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity…//… There shall be the weeping and the gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but yourselves cast out. And they shall come from east and west, and from north and south, and shall lie down at table in the kingdom of God. And behold, there are last who shall be first, and there are first who shall be last.//

Let us be attentive, it is still time for everyone to taste the true freedom! God bless you!

It is indeed easier for us because it is more pleasant to hear flatteries or incitements to our own evil inclinations. Satan's words are full of seductions and charms such as: "Whatever we do, we are saved by - DIVINE GRAAACE - from the moment we gave our life to Jesus. The opposite is also true, for then nourishing our guilt, in which we shall revel in the "bbbreareaking", that is, the crushing of ourselves. Let us not be attached to the men, but to God, this is our best protection. Even though they say to us with arrogance, you put my word in doubt: You are calling into question the word of God, it is a mortal sin, it is a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, do not believe them. Don't take MY word for it. God, indeed, will NEVER HOLD US AGAINST wanting to be more faithful to Him than to the men. He will ALWAYS find a way to enlighten us in one way or the other, as long as we are SINCERE and TRUE. We will certainly have been right or wrong in our actions, but if we are sincere and that our true motive is to do the will of God, I can tell you from experience that God will not let us lose ourselves, and that He will answer to us. I dare to say without fear of deceiving myself, that the one who says the contrary is a liar, for God is God above all the earth, and the one who is of light does not fear the light. It will certainly not always be immediately, as we would often like to see this miraculous response happen, but let us wait for Him, He will not delay.

The one who will indeed lead away those who follow him to guilt, guilt, guilt or grace, grace, grace so-called coming from God, will lead everyone to perdition, perdition, perdition of the enemy. All blinded that this person will be itself, it will convey its blindness to those who will give faith to its words.

In other fields of course, I was one of those who gave credence to such great boasters but as I did not myself exception to the rule, and followed "MY" gods with bleating, if anyone lets himself take it blindly, he will lap up any word from "HIS" gods say. He will find then all normal heresy, if he is seduced by their temptations, and does not test their words by sincere prayer before God. Such men, blinded as they are of their own sins, will always try to share them with those around them, and if it is not sin itself, it will be at least the same type of behavior and generally in secret of some others. Under the cover of very agreeable revelations, where God has not said this in such and such a way, that we must not follow everything strictly to the letter, they will lead the one who wants to follow them in their own ways and not that of God.

It is true that the letter kills and the Spirit vivifies, but let us remains vigilant not to exclude the fundamental.

Freedom, the truth that God wants to give to each one, will NEVER be that of committing the opposite of His word, but ALWAYS that of to discover with wonder that it is possible for us to fulfill His Law in our own lives, with truth of heart, in the Peace, the Joy, and the Love of our neighbor. Others, more attracted by the lust of money, sometimes go so far as to claim our own bank card, and blinded minds will find it normal, as I did myself by borrowing to carry my gods: (2 Peter 2-1/3 and 10/14) But there were false prophets also among the people, as there shall be also among you false teachers, who shall bring in by the bye destructive heresies, and deny the master that bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction; and many shall follow their dissolute ways, through whom the way of the truth shall be blasphemed. And through covetousness, with well-turned words, will they make merchandise of you: for whom judgment of old is not idle, and their destruction slumbers not…/… and specially those who walk after the flesh in [the] lust of uncleanness, and despise lordship. Bold [are they], self-willed; they do not fear speaking injuriously of dignities: when angels, who are greater in might and power, do not bring against them, before the Lord, an injurious charge. But these, as natural animals without reason, made to be caught and destroyed, speaking injuriously in things they are ignorant of, shall also perish in their own corruption, receiving [the] reward of unrighteousness; accounting ephemeral indulgence pleasure; spots and blemishes, rioting in their own deceits, feasting with you; having eyes full of adultery, and that cease not from sin, alluring unestablished souls; having a heart practised in covetousness, children of curse;//

It may not have been what I had already become, but what I was going to become, for Satan was going to use this blindness towards men, to train me to much worse, a spiritual blindness. As I speak of these men who can use the word of God to their advantage, I became a little bit!

Others who had fallen into this error before me had certainly directed me in this direction. It was in chapter 5 on page 62, of these two men in this office of engineering, which talked about the output of their body, the theory of the master eb05en.html#txt_686 and probably many other things. The work of the enemy would certainly take a year to get started, before I could get this first book of Lobsang Rampa, which would guide me to a profound spiritual error and blindness all the more important. As far as the blindness to sin was concerned, he was carried on in one's own sweet way, although it was still moderate in relation to what it was going to become through those readings which I had then found so good and convincing. As long as I have remained only in attempts at practices, somewhat "amusing experiences" of these new spiritual data, my external behavior did not too get worse. It was certainly a direct consequence of this famous bond of voyeurism, and had undoubtedly multiplied already by two or three through blindness, but from the moment when my attempts became to communicate with "the beyond", he became insane. My behavior changed so suddenly, that I frightened myself the day after my father's death, as I told you in the first part. There was then a progression in this sentence of God that is blindness, because I had turned a corner that was opening rights to the grip of the enemy. I especially do not want to say that my acts were previously harmless, because many of them would have already a same brush with the law that I have had afterwards. What was very perfidious was this art that the enemy had to lead me to give to others this "freedom" of which I believed myself benefits.

I think that this is what leads predominantly, the one who has preferred to cover his sin by the lie of his own aspirations, to enter into his wrongdoing. When he has gone too far in his deceits, for example, adultery for me, he will begin to interpret the word of God in his own way, and even confound what may seem most evident to each worthy of common sense. His bases of value, are found as put without upside, whether or not, Christian of long date. Just as I was at this time, do not believe that these people will be avaricious of very convincing spiritual novelties, in an bewitching aspect of personal revelations. I was telling you how much I thought I was then endowed spiritually to teach my own sons, and how many others listened to me more than now. We were already addressing the subject there are a few lines, so do not believe that it goes differently for the "unconverted" that I was, that for the "converted" even baptized from the spirit. Conversion is not the story of a day, but a journey of progress. Just as we have seen for the bond in the previous chapter, blindness can affect all those who do not want to give reason to the Word of God in a hidden part of their lives. God obviously gives the possibility to who is baptized of the Spirit to be helped in many areas, and especially with regard to the pitfalls that avoid him from falling into bonds. This does however make the baptized person of the spirit more responsible for its own misconducts, if it accepts them carnally and by direct consequences of falling under the wrath of God.

Thus if we examine the blindness of the one who takes charge of souls as a husband, father, or pastor, we shall perceive that God will not lose those whom He has entrusted to them, to protect "Their honor" or that of a work which no longer resembles to him. God will remain faithful to those who persevere in the search for His will, even if they are only "simple little Christians." They are more valuable in His eyes than those who speak of Him with grandiloquence, but whose fruits remain carnal. If a father abuses his daughter, if a mother martyrs her child, will not they are brought to civil justice, if the latter becomes acquainted of it? God who sees everything, knows everything, hears everything, should He then close His eyes and let His own true and sincere children lose to safeguard a "couple" a "family", a "church"? Would the justice of men have become more righteous than God Himself?

Would you find it normal, even of a terrestrial father? No ! I do not believe that ! If some follow these drivers of their own free will, as is the case in all sects, sometimes blinded by their own evil tendencies, God will obviously   let those who have been seduced by sin! But if those who receive false teachings are true, sincere, and willing not to yield to the temptation of sin, then, in some way, which will not always be the same, God will act, I can guarantee you. If it were not so, he would no longer be my God, I can assure you, but I also hope for yours.

In order that no one is mistaken about the forgiveness to be granted to sinners, I should like to make clear that this should not be seen as the systematic condemnation that could be inflicted on anyone who has been caught in the trap of the temptation of sin. Even if this one is converted! Is it not said indeed in (Matthew 18-21/22) Then Peter came to him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? until seven times? Jesus says to him, I say not to thee until seven times, but until seventy times seven.//

This excerpt is clear, for one who occasionally falls into sin, even though this sin would perpetuate itself somewhat, that must of course never prevent us from forgiving the person and to give him our confidence again. We will certainly remain vigilant of not giving him reason in the error, as with respect to each one but without more. Forgiveness in our hearts must go as well for either one, "simple Christian" or "great servant of God". No, I assure you, God no respecter of anyone, and we are all absolutely equal before Him. There is only the man to think oneself superior!

But for the one who would have been seduced by sin and would have been stricken by blindness, for the very man who would have given many false teachings, even to institute real sects, for this one, how shall we to act? ESPECIALLY NOT! We will undoubtedly have to judge his actions, his teachings and reject them. We will also have to denounce all of his actions and words to anyone who asks us right. We will still have to warn him or at least try to do so as many times as we can if we are close. Then, if he does not receive us, we will be obliged to withdraw from them in order not to endorse his words, but without ever closing ourselves the door to dialogue and his repentance. We must judge of the teachings, of the words, of the acts, but we must never judge man, because if not, we close the door of God to him. Our own words then become words of malediction, whereas we are called to the blessing.

(1 Corinthians 10-12) So that let him that thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.//

(Matthew7-1/5) Judge not, that ye may not be judged; for with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you. But why lookest thou on the mote that is in the eye of thy brother, but observest not the beam that is in thine eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Allow [me], I will cast out the mote from thine eye; and behold, the beam is in thine eye? Hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine eye, and then thou wilt see clearly to cast out the mote out of the eye of thy brother.//

How will we are able stand firm in adversity in the face of the enemy of our souls, if we act contrary to our Lord? We must have compassion for everyone, even the greatest sinner, and if we find that we do not have it, we must ask the Lord what prevents Him from giving it to us. This is our beam! Of course we will not receive the words of these people as coming from God, but them, we will not reject them, nor their victims, of course.

Perhaps there will be a continuation? Whether they are simple Christians or "great servants of God," they will use what is within their reach, to attract others into their own sin, but also not to recognize it entirely. Thus, on the day when everything will collapse around them for many reasons, until they recognize that it is their own sin that has destroyed everything around them, it is because they will still give a slightest bit to their own dimension of sin. Let us show them love and compassion, but do not follow them in their opinions. They will treat us as lost priests or false teachers and all colorful names, but no matter, they will always boast of being free, as I also did at another stage. But Satan will have the same rights over them, than he has on those whom will follow them voluntarily. Everyone in fact remains master of his life, just like of sinning or not sinning.

I can assure you once again, that it is the same thing for the baptized Christian of the spirit as for any other, because I myself had of it the sad experience. Fortunately, it was sad for me only the conflicts arising from this context between Marie-Claude and myself. These, however, brought a great amount of suffering to our family and in particular to Marie-Claude's deep injuries. Thank God, once is not customary, I accepted from the Lord a little bit of appropriateness.

I do not mean to say that I have obtained the crown, because even if I recognize my way as the good, I do not believe I have reached the end of it.

Of course, if it had been translated into my everyday life only by this single action of voyeurism for myself, perhaps I would have been able to become aware to it more quickly, but the enemy had took his rights in many other circumstances.

Thus, when the Lord revealed it to me, I realized that, in reality, it was the same spirit that obliged me to make me as a spectacle, in exhibitionism, as in voyeurism. What I loved for myself, I was as pushed to give it to others, as not wishing to deprive them of that "freedom" which the world did not allow itself, and of which it made itself unhappy. Indeed, I can very well interpret it in this way in all these moments of aberration.

As long as I had not been too far from God's commandments for the rest of my life, according to my memory, the evil had not been too much felt. There is nothing surprising in this, for God had, in spite of all, His hand on me, as He has on every Christian who, one day, has been sincere towards Him.

Everything became complicated, of course, in adulthood, when I began to commit adultery. I had been married to the Catholic Church with a tiny thread of faith and that was only of little important to me. God did not see in that, only I through this sacrament, but also Annette, my ex-wife.

If only in that, I cannot doubt of the faithfulness of God towards anyone. I had gone too far in all my deceitfulness by committing adultery, added to all my blasphemies and denials of God, which I often took as a malicious pleasure, for I had gone up to flout the sacred bonds of marriage, of which God had been a guarantor.

It was then that the long period of rejection of the precepts of God would begin for me, for I had already changed the order of the world in my image. God had long delayed getting angry with me, but there I had gone beyond the limits. From then on, He was going to let me do my own experiments. As for the prodigal son, I was going to find myself at the mercy of him who had become my master and lord without my knowing it: Satan! God did not, however, allow him to take away my life, and continued to bless me without my being aware of it, for it is raining on the right one and the wicked. My blessings began, however, to fall like a bottomless abyss, without really benefiting me, for the enemy of my soul would regularly take his share. I became therefore the one described in (Deuteronomy 28-15 and 28-28 / 37): But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee: …/… The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart: And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee. Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build an house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof. Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof: thine ass shall be violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee: thy sheep shall be given unto thine enemies, and thou shalt have none to rescue them. Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people, and thine eyes shall look, and fail with longing for them all the day long: and there shall be no might in thine hand. The fruit of thy land, and all thy labours, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed alway: So that thou shalt be mad for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see. The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head. The LORD shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, wood and stone. And thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all nations whither the LORD shall lead thee.//

Jesus did not come to abolish the law, but to accomplish it; so that our past mistakes will no longer be an obstacle for those who wish to benefit from the blessings of God. He who rejects God and denies his existence, however, exposes himself to live a great deal of disappointments which he might avoid, for do you not believe that this passage of Deuteronomy resembles only too well at my whole life, as I described to you? It is the real demonstration of it in different areas, for the enemy knows how to take in his time, the rights that God leaves him in various spaces of our lives, so that we do not able to do the relationship of cause and effect, and that the fall is inexorable. If this direct consequence had taken only a few days and no this fifteen to seventeen years to draw up completely, and in the only field that concerned sexuality, perhaps I could have been able to make the point? When the thing is done gradually and under various circumstances, nothing then seems obvious, without counting what I did not tell you because otherwise the pages would miss me. At the cessation of activity of my company, for example, I was even more perfectly the one described above; I was the laughingstock of all. Even those who had been my associates condemned me, at all levels pointed me a finger. I believe that only one deigned to cross the threshold of my house, and, in order not to enter into suspicion, I shall be careful not to imagine why he was led to come back. I will also refrain from condemning anybody, and will only look at the positive, since it was the LORD who allowed it for the purpose of my good, the best for me.

The first sign of this blindness had manifested itself through this society "snowball" that I evoked on the page 60. eb05en.html#txt_685 The manner in which these men had circumvented the law had so seduced me that I had put them in the place of God. The little money we had then, I was going to squander it to feed real and charming crooks, of whom I had made "MY gods".

They had somehow known divert the law in their favor, and thus giving a vague appearance of honesty, which avoided all problems of justice connected with such practices. I was going to sweat blood for ... "me" I thought at the time. But as I was telling you in the first part, those who ate regularly at the restaurant, it was not me who often had nothing to eat, nor Annette and Samuel, but the ones I had put on a pedestal. They also wandered to go and fro in Paris, for they had no vehicles. Yet it was I who borrowed money to put gasoline. Again a time, them, who had solicited us one night at three or four, to rob a cellar packed with champagne. The aim was to pompously celebrate the opening of a second society of the same type, of which they were still the "head and I the tail".

Do you think this kind of blindness is very common? Of course, yes! How if not, could be born and subsist so many sects throughout the world? Sects that often preach a resurrected Jesus, but through their guru!

What was so different between these men and a sect, if not the mere fact that they did not push the deceit up to say themselves sent from God? I can assure you without fear of mistaking that none of these sects is acting in the good sense that the Bible teaches us. Compare them to their way of acting, facing the Cross. Some will flagellate themselves, some will spit on it, but none will thank the Lord as it should, in all personal humility. The fruits of the spirit will not be better, some will incite violence, as we can see in the deviations of many religions, others to the collective sacrifice, others still to debauchery in sexuality and sometimes in prostitution and orgies, and yet many follow them and will follow them again.

If these people compared their own lives to the Word of God, as I could have done myself, they would see that it has nothing similar with words such as (Mark 13-21/23): And then if any man shall say to you, Lo, here is Christ; or, lo, he is there; believe him not: For false christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect. But take ye heed: behold, I have foretold you all things.//

Without going in so deeply deflection, and in order to make God's advocate to those who accuse Him of not seeing Him act concretely, I know for my part that I have raised question then in me, not by the word of God, but by my own actions. My actions were certainly not all perfect until then, but the motives that led them remained for their majority according to God and the love of others, which did not last. I effectively remember that from that time, as I pointed out in the first part on page 63, where the regrets in me began to abundantly come, eb05en.html#txt_687 on all the "good" lost opportunities. These regrets were not, from to have not done good, but to the contrary, of not having done the evil at which I had not yet given reason. One of the first concrete upheavals in me was going to take place, and I was quite questioned in this period, although I did not stop over this one at one hundred percent for my great misfortune.

On page 63, we were effectively talking about the first "transformation" that had seemed strange to me, eb05en.html#txt_687 during this stage of draftsman of studies, which followed this little glorious period of snowball society. Contrary to my habits during the two previous training courses, instead of going toward my fellows a little weaker to help them, especially in drawing where I already had a good experience, I never ceased teasing them in the proper sense of the term, as I already pointed out in the first part. I also helped very few those who were most in difficulty, and in an attitude of heart completely different from that of before, almost making fun of them. I was very far from bringing to them this frankness and that kindness due to comrades of the pain, as I had been able to do before for those who were in an identical situation in the preceding training courses. I do not mean that before that period, I had never teased anyone, certainly not! But always in a good-natured attitude, and not really in the sense of the word "to harass"! The difference was actually in my own attitude of heart, through the superiority and morbidity that I put in addition. I had often refused this attitude of my brother during our youth, but I became evidently worse than him. What is still affecting me today is precisely this crushing of others, which has from then attached itself to my actions. I will not say that it was for the calculated purpose of destroying some more than others, but I still believe that, unconsciously, these teasing went more towards those who obtained scores substantially equal to mine.

I certainly did not anticipate it, but I keep in mind a certain personal questioning in this sense at that time. So I had became worse, that my grandfather had been with my father, but worse than my brother had been with my sister and me. From the moment that I no longer wanted to act according to the precepts of God, no longer recognizing his existence at all, I fell into all the traps that Satan had then kindly tendered to me.

How could the Lord have preserved me? Shall I accuse Him of that? I certainly will not do it now, but at this time of my life I was not the last to say to anyone who wanted to hear me, that if God existed, there would not be all these wars, and many other things at least as bad, if not worse. We are always the ones who cut us off from God, and it is He whom we accuse.

I was not baptized of the spirit with regard to this first period, which began around my twenty-four years, but I had received the Catholic teaching which had brought me enough knowledge, to distinguish between good and evil. That is the important thing. This had acted on me at that time, as you can judge, just as it can act on others in various areas according to the personality of each one. My weakness was sexuality, but for others it will be avarice, theft, anger, jealousy, alcoholism, vengeance ... etc. The result will be equally destructive, but I can assure you that the people baptized from the Spirit are absolutely not exempt from it either. External appearances will not always be the same, but they will be all the more difficult to discover on the baptized person from the Spirit, who will continue more than others to use the word of God in his life. Concealment and cunning will certainly replace the fruits of the Spirit frequently, but as long as scandals do not stop the plans of the people acting thus, the enemy will use them in destruction all the more perfidious that it will be done in the name of God.

Let us therefore take the time to meditate a little "thought" of God on this subject. A God so good and so full of attentions for us, who gave His son for the forgiveness of our sins! Is it possible that this God can actually let us do this and for what purpose?

On the one hand, God is Holy and three times Holy, but on the other hand, He never goes beyond what we desire ourselves, to follow Him. He has certainly gave us many promises of blessings in order to fill us, but he has never told us that, whatever we do, whatever our attitude towards Him and our fellow men, He will excuse us of all our evil deeds, of all our bad words, of all our evil thoughts without us repenting. God is not the God of sin nor of injustice, quite the contrary. If He is saving grace us in Jesus Christ of all our past, present and future sins, they are not those we will voluntarily accomplish without feeling guilty, but of those on the contrary of which we repent and repent sincerely, with the intention of no longer perpetrating them. Some of His promises of blessings are also contained in (Deuteronomy 28-9 and 13/14) The LORD shall establish thee an holy people unto himself, as he hath sworn unto thee, if thou shalt keep the commandments of the LORD thy God, and walk in his ways…/… And the LORD shall make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath; if that thou hearken unto the commandments of the LORD thy God, which I command thee this day, to observe and to do them: And thou shalt not go aside from any of the words which I command thee this day, to the right hand, or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them.//

It is up to us to remark that in the structure of this book, the blessings precede the curses. God is not the one who desires to punish us, but the one who wants above all to bless us if we follow His commandments, and especially the first, to put Him in first place, before any form of idolatry on our part.

As long as I blasphemed or other things of this kind, but kept His precepts in broad outlines towards others, He never abandoned me. He is the God of faithfulness. At that moment it was not Him who let go my hand, but I who withdrew it from His own, it is not the same thing. From that moment on, a line was drawn, I was already no longer for God, than the hope of this prodigal son, as each of us who deviated from Him. He let me go to all my future misfortunes, of which he had me hitherto preserved, hoping that one day I would have had enough of all these bad living conditions, and would then return to Him. (See this passage of the prodigal son in Luke 15-11/24) Did he really have that father's choice? Does God really have a choice before our obstinacy to follow our own ways, our sin? If a father wants to live a life full of happiness with his son who does not want of him, not even considering a single warning he could give him, will his father put his son in prison for protect him from danger? Even if he did so, would the son be grateful enough to fly into his arms and to kiss him? Or would he not rather be an even more rebellious rebel? God is not a jailer; He is a Father full of Love. If we no longer want of Him, it is true that we grieve him very much. If we deviate from His precepts and teachings without even wanting to listen to Him, He certainly suffers, for it is from our own misfortune that He suffers. But will it allow our injustice to prevail? No! Absolutely not! His door, however, will always remain open to us, as long as our life is not over.

If for me, as for any other person who falls into the blindness, called into question that I had been of my changes of attitude of heart, I had sincerely turned toward God, the Lord would obviously not have rejected me. Rather than doing so, I had then sunk into disorder and sin, preferring at God, my gods and turning a blind eye to the senseless nature of the situation. It is the same for anyone who falls under the influence of some sectarian spirit, leading him to extremities that he previously recognized as evil. However, he will not be able to say that he has not been forewarned, for God will have put everything before our eyes by comparing our actions with His Word: (Matthew 7-15/21) Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.//