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Because God is" The Eternal I am ",  God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, he knows since the beginning the reasons of our misfortunes, this is why, where our sin abounded, his Grace abound more exceedingly!  


 Was I worse than others were?  

Just like that of yesterday, the today world tries to construct itself an universe in which happiness is with the image from its good, therefore to the "god's" image which is constructed in it. That it is called God, money, sexuality or anything else, it is the first place which this "god" occupies in the man's heart who will condition the unconscious response of this one.

In the religions as in the policy, nothing escapes at this and the world tears one another to assert sometimes the opinions of some people, with the risk that million undergo serious maltreatments and often die on that account.

During time that we will pass together, we will try to understand why so many people on the earth claim to act in the name of God and they wage so often the war. Many are indeed the unknown verbal wars of all, in smallest of our companies which is the couple as it is. We don't necessarily call them wars, but the generally conflicts.

It is curious to note to which point these conflicts are always condemned by the majority among us, whereas they are the base even of the individual psychological construction to which we give reason so easily. It is indeed from conflict which arises the subconscious which fixes our understanding and our limits since our earliest days. Will we say therefore, the wars are good and necessary, the tyranny of some is just because indispensable to the progression and the humility of the others?

It is indeed conflict which is born the subconscious which fixes our understanding and our limits as of our more tender childhood. Will we say whereas the wars are good and necessary, that the tyranny of certain is right essential bus with the progression and the humility of the others?

God didn't give us in Christ a tyrant's example, but quite to the contrary the one of a humble King, attached to the happiness of each one. He never succumbed in front of the adversity and the temptation to behave to the picture of an ordinary human conditioned by his desires and his passions. It is therefore surprising to note how many men and nations with the passing of the centuries behaved, and behave still to the contrary to the model than he let us, while claiming to act in his name. What was it of it then? What was it then? What is it today? What will it be tomorrow ?

The human race which is led still today by a logic in which it is more tamed than educated, will it be able really to find the peace without God? The Union-Soviet was the perfect demonstration of a people's possibilities led by a human doctrine having entirely rejected God, brought only physical and moral depravity unfortunately, like I was a witness of it. We are all links of a chain which writes the history of humanity. Which will be the length tomorrow? Will it continue? Will it stop? This chain, guided by a logic conceived to manage minor conflicts resulting the depths in the dawn of time, will it continue to govern this modern world indefinitely where actual technologies are not human size?

Many among us are not worried of this, because more anxious by their immediate results than by the human's destiny. Wouldn't we however be to the eve of an essential upheaval of our guide of the behaviour, without which the worst would be to fear?

We thus will try together, to establish the psychological and spiritual link of our conduct motors; in order to better understand us ourselves, just like God's will for the humanity and the politics that leads it. We will make therefore for it a fast historic synthesis from that canalises again today our collective memory we often confound with God's will.

We will make for that, a rapid historical synthesis of what still funnels our collective memory today, than we often confuse with the God's will. From all these politicians of right or left, is there one better than other? Are they worse than others? For myself: Was I really worse than others? Or was I simply a man?

These questions are not formulated with an aim of comparison, namely if I am better or worse than some, but so that nobody makes a real introspection in this sense and come to condemn himself. There is in these interrogations a postulate that I had a long time some difficulties to perceive, as well it is fundamental not to condemn a person in himself, but its acts. No matter what we made, "we all are resulting from the same nature", a human nature made to the image of God. If we judge and condemn the man and not his acts we let us judge its nature, and this is why we make an judgment against ourselves. That's the way we can go until giving death consciously to somebody who possibly gave it by unconscious reasons, on the pretext which the law gives us reason. I think in that case, any law prescribing the death penalty would be right, if the text of this one ended by : "but this sentence is not applied, because even if we can have the hatred of the acts made by this one deserving it, we like it too much to allow anyone to withdraw the life to him, its sentence will thus be commuted to...". We moreover find this conclusion in the achievement of the divine law in Jesus-Christ. God didn’t communicate to us his perfect law with an aim of giving us the right to eliminate this one who was in the error and carried in this a damage to others. He transmitted it to us on the contrary to bring to each one the key of the difficulties that he reproduces without understanding them, and to put at his disposal the means of don't reproduce them. He is to some extent the large universal psychotherapist, by whom each one can reach "the best". This better, we have got by the repentance of our imperfect acts, because brought by impure motives, whom incite us to reproduce the same mistakes perpetually in a lot of domains, by assimilation to a known context.

About me, all my acts would not have condemned me to the capital punishment in front of the law of God, but others would have deserved it hundred times. I am not however worse than another! I was born in a catholic family shared a little between the faith and certain wounds from the past, but I received however this teaching in my youth. Towards nine, ten, to see eleven years, I have by two or three times, the heart transported of burst towards God, but after the renewal of my solemn communion, I moved away however very quickly from the faith. The first reason, quite banal in itself, was the behaviour of a God's man, " don't worse than another ", but probably clumsy. The produced wound, accentuated probably by my pride and my own errors, was going to start to create in me this aversion of God.  

In my seventeenth years, I already counted much more on myself in all circumstances, than in God to whom I believed less and less. I was divided between my passions for the cyclist races, and my work at the post office in which I had fortuitously entered. In my twentieth year, I still occupied a lot of weekends with the competitive sport, but I had my own vehicle since two years, and my enthusiasms evolved to others sports. Few months before I was my twenty-one, the majority on this time, I was just about to make car racing in formula three. In did I really dream? Was I merely dazzled by notoriety that this sport could bring? I could affirm it today of nothing. A thing is certain, for lack of a parental authorization, I never made formula three car racing.

With the passing of years, God disappeared more and more from my thoughts, and if remained in me about him still some insignificant part, my pride was too large so that I let some reveal least appearance. In the crazy hope of a glorious sporting career, I moreover had imprudently abandoned my work to the profit of my illusions, and having at this time only one banal level of eighth learnt by correspondence, the trap was closing again on me. My future, until this day well traced at the Post office, was stopped with my intrepidity. I made myself useful then in all that I pus to achieve, but in spite the assistance of my family which did not give up me, I passed several very painful weeks of moral abasement.

My twenty-first years were however not yet completed, than already my objective took shape. It was just the beginning of ANPE (National Agency for the Employment)and the FPA (Vocational Training for Adults), but one having led me towards the other, I immediately noticed the possibility of a path which would carry out me to a level of draughtsman designer in general mechanics, if I persevered sufficiently. I knew myself real capacities on the matter, my conviction was thus tall: "I will multiply my efforts and will pay me myself what the chance had not granted to me! I will be a draughtsman designer to have the means of becoming: Racing driver! "

I lived then this ideal like a personal enterprise, a objective that I fixed to me, but I also know there was in this a faith that God gave me. My progress was certainly not as rectilinear as I will have been able to imagine it initially, but for my twenty six years, and in spite of certain inconstancies, I obtained a diploma being equivalent at two years higher education. Three years were still going to be passed before I make my beginnings of " racing driver ". The amateur formula was quite derisory in report of my expectations, but for ten years I were going to practice a discipline of automotive sport named country race car , with the great despair of my wife.

I did not have indeed succeeds to turn unmarried, my twenty two. I had then married in front of Mister the mayor, and in most perfect hypocrisy: In front of Mister the priest. We had had since then two formidable little boys, to which I was never going truly to control art to let them know how much they counted for me. I had learned how to beat me, and because I assimilated them a little too much to myself, I was for them what I was too often for me. I was excessive in all!

In an overflowing life of activity, my assumptions of the existence of God had hardly remained a time, before disappearing. God allowed me to understand several years here, the little of good direction which I had preserved of my childhood, was completely disappears as of my first adultery. The balance which I will have been able to receive by wisdom that God gives to this one whom pray him of it, was not likely to have agreed so much my presumptions were large. God had become for me a human heresy, and the only evocation of the word "God" brought about anger in me. He was according to my explanations "only one unhealthy imagination from weakling fearing death, a worse machination still of those which want to impose their rules and only theirs, void of any regard for others; no respect vis-à-vis the human suffering, on whom they impose their rules devoid of love and sensuality ". I would have for example liked personally, to carry  help to all those and those which miss water in the desert, rather than to make of this a money problem.

My passions were such, they brought me to excesses sometimes quite puerile, even  sometimes dishonouring, without that allowed to me to make a comparison between the bad behaviour which I denounced from the others and my own ingratitude towards others. In the same way, I had of course become increasingly rebellious with any form of human or divine authority, which I often disputed by sarcasms.

My achieved objectives of diploma, the coincidence of the employment gradually led me to the post of technician in food-processing and pharmaceutical equipment. This quite banal job in itself was going to bring human experiments to me, whose one in Russia of Ancient Regime, which proves to be today the starting phenomenon of our reflection, and the subject of our next chapter.

I rose gradually towards a social position more than enviable for many, and I was myself considered  a father if not perfect, but well above the average. I seemed to me brought to my family, maximum of distractions and coziness : We had the motor home, the summer holidays, the winter sports, the weekends with the country races car, the gifts... As for my presence at home near my family, let's not speak to of it naturally. As for my presence close to my family, naturally let us not speak about it.

I chased after the social success, like many do it, without to realize, than the key of happiness is not there. I however tackled often the subject of it, but the deep sense escaped to me. I was looking for "happiness" for myself and mine like it seemed to me good to bring it, but having confused the love with what I call today, the good ideas "sixty eight hard" to be married me in June 1 968, during the tumults of the French Cultural revolution of May and June 1968, each time I almost believed to hold it, all collapsed.

I, had been quite presumptuous and foolish to consider that the goodwill and the human sacrifice, could replace the love. I was thus to let persuaded to marry a charming girl whom I never loved. I was actually confusing materialism and happiness, which was going to lead us to tear us one the other during seventeen years. Seventeen years during, neither one nor the other we were agreeing to wound our children by a divorce, whereas with each discord this word was pronounced.

What an heresy! They were already dead, and we were not wanting to wound them. The Paul apostle in the epistle to the Romans, says us on this subject: " but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do, I understand not: For what I would, that I don't, but what I hate, that I do ". We will not always quote it, but this writing will be the base of many of our meditations. I was indeed the reflection of this text, because I would have wanted to make the good for my children and my wife, but the sin which led me was of much most stronger.

In a very difficult economic conjuncture, my social progression continued however to evolve. Conditioned by various circumstances, a brief experience was going besides to be very profitable for me. From the employee that I had always been, I was going to create my own engineering company in food-processing installations, with for partners some industrial friends. I was accustomed to excesses of activities in all kinds, but professionally I was redoubling my efforts with excess. It was nearly constrained and forced therefore, on an evening of February, with various friends, I was letting me dragged to a fancy dress ball, of which was going to be born my new life. She was called "Marie-Claude"!

I will pass to you obviously details, but two weeks later, having myself to her contact became aware of unsuspected motivation which led me to various escapades in sport and sexuality, the things were going quickly to evolve. Without to be truly conscious, I was looking for the reciprocity of the woman’s love, without agreeing to wound neither this one with which I was then married, nor my children.

The idyll between "Marie-Claude" and me had lasted a small week, but the one weekend time to the snow, we were left definitively, solved one and the other not to maintain a lovers ambiguous relation. To the first following sand grain, the conflict however came to sweep a "marriage", which had never been in me only one "sacrifice". I was agreeing to leave the ship which had perhaps never set sail besides, so much during these seventeen years it had been surging. Since this moment, even if a long way remained to be traversed to make official the desire of my heart, my wife was going any more to be called only Marie-Claude.

A page was turning for me, but also for those whom I had unfortunately wounded. This is why I want to remain moderate, in the enthusiasm of my new life, so much I understand without being able to measure it, the torment that I inflicted to my ex-wife and to my own children. I would have wanted for nothing in the world to make them suffer, but my limits were only human, and like all human, even of goodwill, I was only one human. It was perhaps in this case the least bad solution, rather than, led by too heavy excess of "goodwill", I would be one day push with inhuman attitudes such as various unhappy maniacs can live?

Because they only know the violence in answer to their incomprehension and their misfortune, they are taken along to the irreparable, and exceed the human's limits, to give themselves death.

With the opposite of these catastrophes, Marie-Claude and me lived the unhoped-for one. What we one and the other had sought in the spouse, we was finding it in the other. We were each night taken as in a swirl, to remake the world according to us. A world in which people would be attentive and nice towards the others, a world in which the inhabitants of the desert would not be any more thirsty because we would have gone to install pumps to them, a world in which even in the most moved back countries, the children would die any more neither of thirst, neither of hunger, neither of cold, nor of diseases, considering that we would have gone to help them.

All was like too marvelous, because very quickly the things were going to spoil for my company. The social conjuncture was then of the most morose, and in spite of a few good technical successes, less than two years later, the commercial court declared me in cessation of business.

At the following day of this judgment, whereas astounded, I started definitively to classify all my documents, a phone call brought the order to me which would have again saved the company the day before.

With the industrial partners logistical support, I treated however this market as a coordinator. Completely stripped financially, I then started to accommodate me at quite paradoxical situations. I bluffed on day dressed with suit and tie to the businesses meetings, whereas the night I traveled by hitch-hiking to the goodwill of the truck drivers, nourishing me sometimes of some corn apples gathered in the fields. I always considered that the life was to be active, to see in the hyperactivity, but I was not saying more as I had so often repeated it, "I do not have anything to do, to die at forty, because I will have made more than many to eighty". In the heat of the action, I was having exceeded them.

Despite everything these tribulations, our new couple was conserving the life, the love, the hope. This hope was going then to be called "Venezuela". The supervision of the assembly of a factory had led me towards Colombia a few years before, and I had come back completely "to pick up" by the Latin America; we was having a Venezuelan friend who was looking ahead a collaboration with Marie-Claude in the hospitable environment; I was having possibility with an industrial partner who had a subsidiary company over there whose he was wanting to diversify the production; we thus left on a preliminary journey and came back with a fantastic hope. On months which followed, nothing however was clarified in this sense.

When I told you some lines here, how many affinities we are discovered, Marie-Claude and me reciprocally, I had voluntarily omitted to specify you a "detail". In the nocturnal evocations of our ideologies, we had certainly spoken spirituality, because having read some books on this subject, I believed myself judiciously inspired. The main topic never had however been approached between us: God! Jesus! It would had been enough that this topic is to evoke at the time of our encounter, so that I flee immediately and forever this one retrograde heretic. And yet, God, had already almost caught up us. I should say besides, "had caught up me" rather than "had caught up us", because thing that I ignored fortunately, Marie-Claude had since her childhood, always prayed to Jesus with the manner that her grandmother had taught it to her.

Mine, my grandmother, more precisely one of the two, by the suffering of the loss of a child and a lot of confusions, had gradually slipped toward a form of occultism, what had brought me to believe in the evil. The "evil", the veritable, the spiritual one, this which leads to the evil in all its dimensions and of which we will speak again in the chapter "the flesh, the war". In the multitude of my presumptions related to our "evolution", I believed myself of course able to resist it by my own force, my own will. The good from God in Jesus-Christ, being only heresy and lie...

Marie-Claude thus prayed, and prayed only Jesus-Christ, but was not very convinced that it could hear us and especially to answer us.

She was certainly convinced of the existence of the evil as such, but all that could place it at the spiritual level was representing for she mystical delirium, as she had received from her teaching at the nurse school. Useless to tell you, that between us the ditch was therefore very big. However large that it was, it was not presumably too deep, because our difficulties of survival had filled the biggest depths maybe already of it. Useless to say you, how many the ditch between us was thus very large, but very broad that it was, it was probably not too deep. Our difficulties of survival had certainly already filled it more the major part. To professional and financial miseries, had come to be grafted the disease, like a poisonous obstacle to conjugal happiness being born. With the passing of the weeks and months, the whole was going however to create between us a common denominator and unit, which was going to congregate us more closer one the other, but especially of God.

I always remained as convinced as God didn't exist, but I satirized him only to the picture of some oratorical jests that I continued to appreciate in spite of all. I particularly liked to do it with Nathalie, a friend whom we frequently meet at that time, and who advanced recently in a sincere Christian conversion. I readily passed some hours to tease she on this subject, even if from catechism which I had however studiously learned, it remained me only little of things. One of the rare biblical texts which remained in my memory, was the wedding at Cana in Galilee, where Jesus changed water into wine.

The food liquids, very little could learned to me , it was my field! I appreciated in that to put my experiments ahead, which left many stunned of it. I poured then each time my wild imaginings eternal which my interlocutors listened to, until often their faith waver: “Jesus was extraterrestrial come before his hour! Jesus was extraterrestrial come before his hour! The day of the weddings, before the wine has suddenly missed, He had put a magic cure-all powder in the earthenware jars, and when the servants had come to bring back the problem to him, it had said to them like a great lordly: Put water inside and water had been transformed into wine! These poor shabby of this time was completely taken in. "All there was to say! All my science was developed!

She some little irritated me this small young just come out from teen, with his twenty two twenty three, and her simpering from an other age, but as by elsewhere I was often able to make she conceal, motivated by a malicious pleasure, I continued to fight the childishness in which she had been made trap.

If I am honest they yet began well to shake somewhat my theories its famous childishness, because in few moments of solitude, in front of my difficulties that I assimilated to the result of some occult practices on us , I see me again to repeat the " Our Father "and" I greet you Marie. It is necessary to say that Marie, Jesus' mother, by assimilation to her son the extraterrestrial, was to my sense also " Martian ". It was not in this simple words of contestation or teasing, but quite to the contrary of a conviction quasi unshakeable resulting from my "very spiritual" readings and not from my basic teaching.

One day however, several weeks after our return of Venezuela, whereas my hopes of a Franco-Venezuelan structure decreased, I knew, yes I "knew" that three weeks later, such day, it would occur something which: "would upset completely my life". Do not ask me how I knew? I knew it!

A few days passed, perhaps a week, when the small Nathalie invited us Marie-Claude and me to a meeting of the "businessmen of the full Gospel". It was as by chance, the same day as this one: I "knew"??? "That's queer"? I say to myself! And I remained there about it!    

The thing had strongly shouted at me, but I carried on in one's own sweet way, with the encounter possible any "sponsor".

The day before this surprising day, Nathalie visited us in the evening, and like frequently she remained dinner. The finished meal, we settled back us to chatter in the living room and our conversation came back on the same subject quite naturally: God!

I still did not let myself any count! Midnight, one o'clock, two o'clock in the morning, time passed quickly, when Nathalie testified to us to a miracle of which she had been witness or which others had reported to her, I don't know anymore. In the course of our conversation, as easily as we grant a joke, I conceded well readily a large "Ah! Ah! to she. Ah! One God like this one, I want some well". We did not stop however on this "small detail", although unconsciously it had probably shaken up me.

Three o'clock approached, when suddenly, surprised not to have never understood such an obviousness previously, I discovered with astonishment a dimension I had never had a presentiment about my buffoon interpretation of wedding at Cana: "If Jesus was extraterrestrial two thousand years ago, he was already, two thousand years ago, that I was not yet myself. If he was really this one, with how many stronger reason I should then believe him, since he knew already, which I did not yet know myself ".

I think for the majority among you it's the same way. For me, nothing changed, I am always not astronaut, going to the front of extraterrestrial civilizations. Real and spontaneous as I had always been, but in an purely intellectual dimension, like we have all overdrafts one day that one and one make two, in the greatest astonishment I am exclaiming then: "But Yes! You are right... It does not matter who have can be Jesus, that he have been a man or extraterrestrial, important is to follow His precepts!"

It was nearly three o'clock in the morning, and even if we were probably somewhat tired, it was not in my opinion nothing exceptional in my last words who allowed me to expect an least reaction, if not a good fun of each one. I however went, carried being of astonishment in astonishment! I had not even finished my sentence, when a shower of happiness invades me at a point which I was taken of laughing and in tears at the same time. I did not know anymore where I was, I would liked to kiss everyone. It was not neither a dream, because my immense joy was quite real, but it was

what I could not premeditate not knowing it, and I think while having never intended to speak beforehand...

It was what certain call "being touched by the Grace of God", and others, a little  more biblically say, to receive the "baptism of the Holy Spirit", or "to be born again". If my closest friends had not known what I had drunk, they could have believed, which I was filled fortified wine, as it was the case with certain witnesses of the same demonstration occurred on the apostles and their close relations, at the Whit Sunday (see Acts 2-13). All had just changed suddenly for me.

I do not say to you only a few hours later and after a small sleep, I really differently live the things during this meeting "of businessmen" to which Nathalie had invited us. Nothing was carried out of what I had been able to imagine of the kind, "booff, perhaps I will meet any "sponsor". What went upset my life and that I could have received during this assembly, I had just received it a few hours earlier, at three o'clock in the morning, sitting in my settee, but indeed the same day like this one I "knew".

Do not believe that it is new doctrines. All the Christian  religions basic know the conversation from Jesus to Nicodemus and which reports to us the John apostle in (John 3-1/10): Now there was among the Pharisees a man named Nicodemus, who was one of the rulers of the Jews.

He came to Jesus by night and said to him, Rabbi, we are certain that you have come from God as a teacher, because no man would be able to do these signs which you do if God was not with him.

Jesus said to him, Truly, I say to you, Without a new birth no man is able to see the kingdom of God.

Nicodemus said to him, How is it possible for a man to be given birth when he is old? Is he able to go into his mother’s body a second time and come to birth again?

Jesus said in answer, Truly, I say to you, If a man’s birth is not from water and from the Spirit, it is not possible for him to go into the kingdom of God. That which has birth from the flesh is flesh, and that which has birth from the Spirit is spirit. Do not be surprised that I say to you, It is necessary for you to have a second birth. The wind goes where its pleasure takes it, and the sound of it comes to your ears, but you are unable to say where it comes from and where it goes: so it is with everyone whose birth is from the Spirit.

And Nicodemus said to him, How is it possible for these things to be?//

Not, Nicodemus could not know that, because no religion own it in itself. We can certainly note the fact of this, and so saying to know, but to do us it personally live, only God cans and wants give it to humanity. It is to the humanity of yes saying to the promises of Jesus, but also to us agreeing to come into his works, in the same attitude of heart as he says to us about the wind: " but you are unable to say where it comes from and where it goes: so it is with everyone whose birth is from the Spirit. ".

Was I thus worse? Did I become better? Did our couple become holier, since Marie-Claude lived a similar situation one month after? Did our family become higher, considering other members also lived it?

I had and we had a lot of good intentions previously, just like we have still today. Were they carried out all? Not all necessarily, because the "wind blows where he wants". It is there all the difficulty of letting itself lead daily by the "wind of God", without knowing of what tomorrow will be done.

When Christopher Columbus taken the sea on board his sailing ships, it was nearly in same situation that we were then, and are still today, because to receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit, is not an aim to believe itself arrived, but it is: "to know finally come out".


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